Ah... We have a love/hate relationship, the comparison stick and me. We like each other for a little while, then the stick knocks me square on the forehead...and it hurts. It leaves a dent. Dents in foreheads are not so attractive. But after I have that dent in my forehead, I keep that stick close by while giving it the evil eye, as it sits and laughs at me. Then BAM. It whacks me again, and again, and again, until I have to get up and walk away from it. It thinks to itself, "Oh she'll be back... just wait." And yes, it's right...every time. I'll come right back and sit in front of it waiting for it to whack me in the forehead. Again.
Ok, maybe you can scratch out "love" up there at the top. That dang stick really gets to me. I am always looking at other photographers' blogs to see what they are doing, but constantly compare my work to theirs. It's relentless and discouraging many times. Why do I do that? Why does anyone do that with anything? I keep telling myself and hearing others say, "just be yourself"... An easy request. But not at the same time. It's actually easier for me to want to be someone or something else all the time, rather than not. And that's just plain lazy. It is a constant struggle to be different, to create new, but timeless things for others to cherish, to be creative with angles, perspective, color, exposure, light, concept, illustration of relationships, and so on. I want to do something different every time I pick up my camera. But sometimes others beat me to the ideas that I feel are so one of a kind and I so long to try out... Again, comparison stick...
I was asked a few months ago by another photographer about my goals. I realized that I hadn't really thought about goals or why I'd even need them. That got me thinking... And I actually set a few goals for myself to be accomplished maybe by the end of next year. Real goals. Reachable goals. Difficult, but reachable. Some of these are tangible and some not so much. I no longer feel like I'm just lost in translation, but have a purpose for what I'm doing. Not that I didn't think I had a purpose before, but you know... And it won't be just for me, but for my family
and for my business. I am a person that can find contentment in almost any situation, but that's not going to make me a better person and a better photographer. Or will it? It is sometimes a good quality, but I am learning to step outside my contentment box. To actually put myself out there for once and not to almost step out, then step back inside thinking that that was enough for one day... Lubbock seems to be a place where photographers multiply by the minute. Sigh... And there it is again, that comparison stick...
